Palm Sunday and my stimulus check

I love Palm Sunday. At my church, we start in the parish hall. The verger, thurifer, boat bearer, cross and torches lead the way outdoors. Our magnificent choir, clergy, and entire congregation, all waving palm fronds, follow. We walk through a large courtyard and up to the front doors of the church. We go into the church singing loudly and beautifully, and the air fills with song and incense as we approach the altar.

During the service, I watch and see some people holding tightly to their palm fronds, the fronds sticking straight in the air as they hold it and a hymnal or prayer book. I see some people folding the long fronds into small crosses. The thurifer stands near the bishop and the little boat girl nearby, quiet, and obedient, sometimes waving her little hand in the smoke of the thurible. It is a beautiful sight. It is an important service and everyone present senses the importance.

What are we doing? We are remembering the triumphant march of Jesus into Jerusalem. The city was tense, and the last thing that the city rulers wanted was trouble. They knew who Jesus was and if he came to town when the city was on edge, there could be trouble. Jesus knew and accepted his fate. His entry into Jerusalem was loud and noisy. The people shouted Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father, David! (Psalm 118) . There was no way that the city rulers could miss this. Everyone who witnessed this entry knew that it was written that the Messiah would arrive in Jerusalem on a colt. They knew that the palm fronds and cloaks on the ground were ancient signs of high honor. This action was shocking to the Jews who did not believe that Jesus was the Messiah, and only added to the friction within the city. Jesus knew how this entry would be perceived and what could happen to him. He accepted his fate willingly and without question.

The next time he makes his entry into the New Jerusalem, I don't think anyone will doubt who he is. It will be very clear. I try to prepare my heart each day, especially during Lent, and Palm Sunday is a reminder that this is only our dress rehearsal for the real, true, coming Palm Sunday when Jesus returns and everything changes.

It's hard to focus on this for me, sometimes. It is Lent, and that's when I should ponder these things. However, I've been unemployed for months. I fit right into the slot of people who are not likely to get help. The stimulus package, as far as I can tell, has nothing to directly help me. No cash in my pocket. No job. No insurance. Nothing. The market crash robbed the value of my assets prior to unemployment, and months later, there is still little financial hope for me.

This situation that I am in can be distracting during Lent. I must point out that it does not change my faith. I have faith in God. I have faith in Jesus. I just don't understand. But neither do my children always understand me as a parent. Yet, they have faith in me to ultimately care for them, feed them, clothe them, give them warm beds, and there's no shortage of toys despite our situation. If I expect my children to have faith and trust in me - a very imperfect person - then I have to have faith and trust in God.

I don't ask "Why me?" because I know that God loves me. I have to accept this situation. I do not have to like it, and I will not just sit back and wait for a miracle stimulus check to land in my mail box. I doubt it will. I have to get up and search for work, search for solutions, use the gifts that God has given me to provide for my family. And I cannot forget my Christian duty to love and serve the Lord, to pray, and to go to church.

My family is having tough times, no doubt. But even that cannot take from me what God will give me, if I will accept it: love and salvation. All these earthly things will pass. Life is certainly easier with some of them, and I hate the thought of losing them. But we will survive.

I have to stay focused. I have to imagine Christ, looking at the city of Jerusalem as he approached. He had complete faith and trust in God for all things. How I wish I had that strength. I cannot have it alone, but I can have it if I will cling to Jesus' robes and walk beside him. So now I imagine my family and me, walking next to the colt with the Messiah, ready to accept whatever happens when we pass through the gates of the city. I imagine what next Sunday will look like. Probably it will look like the Palm Sundays of the years before at my church. We'll start in the parish hall, we will walk outdoors, and walk through the front doors of the church singing Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father, David! And when the sun strikes my face as we walk into the courtyard, I will remember that I want my heart and soul ready for the next Palm Sunday, the real one with Christ's triumphant return. My problems today will seem tiny. I hope that my faith will seem huge.

The Vesper Light

There is a beautiful prayer that I like to say at the close of day. It is from the daily office.

O gracious Light,

pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven,

O Jesus Christ, holy and blessed!

Now as we come to the setting of the sun,

and our eyes behold the vesper light,

we sing thy praises, O God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Thou art worthy at all times to be praised by happy voices,

O Son of God, O Giver of life,

and to be glorified though all the worlds.

When possible, I like to go to the oratory at my church where they have evening prayer services. I like to sit where I can see out of the door, across a hallway, and through a window. I can watch as the sunlight fades. It's nice when the sun is just going down and the congregation says this prayer. In winter, it's already dark by the time we start. In summer, the sun doesn't go down til much later in the evening. But there are times in the year when it's just right and I very much enjoy it.

Seeing the beauty of the sky reminds me that God is maker of heaven and earth. He knows were all the stars are. He knows where I am and wraps His big arms around me. I see the sunset and think of the glory of its beauty, the glory ~ all glory ~ belongs to God.

My prayers during Lent

During Lent, I tend to pray more than in other seasons.

I like it when I have plenty of time and a quiet place to pray. It's best for me if I stop what I am doing, find a quiet place, get on my knees, put my hands together, and then I wait for a moment. I try to clear my mind and push out the day's activities and concerns. I sometimes ponder the Prodigal Son - the one who returned to his father and fell on his knees begging for forgiveness. Then I just try to stay silent for a moment. . . . just silence. . . . then I start my prayer and I try to stay focused and recall all of the things on my mind for prayer. Sometimes I need my printed list near me - I can't always recall everything when my list is very long!

While I'm certainly unworthy on my own, as a Christian, however, I approach God as closely as I can. I want to pray on the front row in heaven. While I'm usually at the side of my bed instead, still, I want that and put that craving in my heart. And when I start my prayer, I speak His name, beginning it with "Almighty" or "Gracious Lord" or something to show that I understand the greatness of the one whom I approach. It is important to start my prayer with adoration of God. But I also use Abba in the prayer somewhere, usually. Abba, father, daddy. I am His child, His little kid. And my understanding of God is childlike, and so must my prayer. Just as my children beg me for too much candy or to stay home from school, I'm sure that parts of my prayer could be childlike. But still, I kneel before God and pray as best I can.

I then ask for forgiveness and I repent. During Lent, I focus hard on this.

I offer my thanksgiving. All that I have and everything around me is a gift from God. I thank Him and ask for guidance in the proper use of His creation and my blessings.

I then pray for my family and friends, of course, and I pray for my church family. I am an officer in two civic volunteer groups - as chaplain in one and a sort of chaplain in another. I am also in two Christian groups - one for my son and one for my daughter. I pray for my children's school. I also receive by email from time to time a prayer list from a lady that includes anyone who emails her - it is lengthy and detailed. I also pray for the people who post prayer requests on missionstclare.com.

That is a long list. . . and it takes time. But I try to do it daily. I can't always do it, but I try to pray each name rather than just say the name of the group. I try to say something specific for each person who needs something in particular. When I take the time to do that, I find that I feel a more spiritual connection to God. I have a connection even with a shorter version of prayer, but I prefer the closer connection.

So during Lent, I try to pray for myself in preparation for Easter, and I try not to forget the list of the people whom I love and carry them in my heart while I go on my journey to the New Jerusalem.